My Wild Turkey Story

by Turkey Philly, from a story told to him by Dr. Mark Newcomb, PhD…

Every day in America, twenty-seven people are killed in drunk driving accidents.  For a nation of over three hundred million, that might not seem like a lot; but that’s almost ten thousand people every year.  That’s more than the average small town.  Imagine the entire population of West Haverstraw Village, New York, dying in a drunk-driving accident  That’s what I’m talking about.

Want some more numbers?

That’s one person every fifty-three minutes.  Every day, more than 300,000 people drive drunk.  While getting drunk might be fun, drunk driving, and the lives it impacts, is no laughing matter.

So one day I’m driving through the Bronx, New York, just minding my own business, when someone rear-ends me.  When the police arrive, my wife is standing there screaming, “Wild turkey!  Wild turkey!”

The police immediately begin searching the car behind me.  They search all inside, and even in the trunk.  But they find no Wild Turkey.  No whiskey at all.

While drunk driving is very serious business, in my case, it was all a matter of one very big misunderstanding.

So the police are all over the scene.  Next thing you know, I come out of the bushes holding this dead turkey: this big, dead, wild turkey.  “Wild turkey!” I’m screaming.  “Wild turkey!”

It seems this wild turkey swooped down in front of my car and crashed right into the windshield, causing me to slam on my brakes.  Hence, the rear-ending.

In the Bronx?  You’ve got to be kidding.  Only, I’m not kidding.  This really did happen.

And this, my freinds, is my Wild Turkey story.


About the Author
Dr. Mark Newcomb is a serious man surrounded by hundreds of silly little kids every day. How he keeps his sanity is a mystery. Nevertheless, he is the greatest school principal who ever lived. At least, that’s what all the kids say. More about Dr. Newcome at

Support your local sheriff by sharing this story through social media…  Rock on!!!


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