Big Dick Billionaires

by Hugely Philly…

My friend BD Batz has the biggest dick I ever saw. Granted, I haven’t seen a lot of them, but we went to high school together and when you go to high school together, you see each other’s penises. You know what I’m talking about.

Having a big dick is really all BD has going for him. He isn’t very good looking, he doesn’t have a job, hell, he didn’t even graduate high school. But once word got out that he was hung like a Mammoth mule, there was no shortage of ladies waiting to get in line to take a ride on the, as he puts it, the BD Batz Express.

So imagine my surprise when BD showed up the other day, his eyes all red and puffy from crying. He was despondent to say the least. Believe me, when you have a dick the size of five-pound pork tenderloin, you’re never out of sorts. At least, not till now.

“He took it,” he said.



“Took what?”



“Yes, It.  IT!”

If he meant what I thought he meant:  WTF?

“Apparently,” said BD, “they finally figured out how to do a penis transplant.”

Penis transplant?

“The problem has always been you can’t use muscle from anywhere else because guess what?”


“The penis isn’t a muscle.”

Mine is.

“Then what is it?” I said.

“It’s spongy tissue that swells up when filled with blood.”

I did not know that.

“Until now, they haven’t been able to transplant a penis successfully.”


“Until now.”

“So what does this have to do with you?” I asked him.

“Well,” he said, “the thing is there’s this billionaire. You know, the one with the small hands?”

Small hands?

“Anyway, somehow he found out about my Mr. Ed and a few months ago he gives me a call, tells me all about this penis transplant stuff and offers me ten million bucks to swap with him.”

Swap with him?

“I mean, ten million bucks is ten million bucks. I figured, with ten million bucks I could have any chick I want. How bad could it be?”

I don’t know, I thought. How bad could it be?

“With ten million bucks, I could have a mansion, a Ferrari, I could retire for the rest of my life in luxury.”

How bad could it be?

“I could have a hot babe hanging on each arm.”

How bad could it be?

“Only problem is,” said BD, “he screwed me.”

“Screwed you?”

“Yeah, he talked me into taking the ten mil’ in stock instead of cash, said it would be worth ten times that by the end of the year. Only thing is, the stock tanked.  Now, it’s worthless. Now, I’m not only out my dick, I’m as broke as I ever was.”

How bad could it be?

“How bad could it be?” he said. “I’ll show you how bad it could be.”

He then proceeded to pull down his pants. Right there staring me in the face was the smallest dick I ever saw, like a freckle on a mole on the cap of the smallest mushroom God ever created. Fucking billionaires. As if they didn’t already have the world by the balls, now they’ve got to have the biggest dicks too.


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